OK, it's not a flesh light... It's a "Lexie UR3 Pocket Pussy" and even
more blatantly a place to stick your wiener than a flesh light. I had
planned on EdenFantasys's discreet shipping policy to save me from any
embarrassing moments with the parents or neighbors, but I think it went
far worse than I could have imagined...
click
I'm surfin' the net one day when I stumble across a promotion for this
sex toy. I've never been interested in sex toys before, but all of a
sudden I got really into the idea. I'm not a lame-ass who can't get any
real sex. (I currently have a girlfriend with a REAL vagina) No, I just
thought it might make for a good time for when I was bored and had no
motivation. So I say, "fuck it!" and order the damn thing.
I track it online and plan it to be delivered on a day when my parents are gone...
The day comes and I lay watchful of the mailbox... I am ready to snatch
up the package before anyone can see! And... it never comes.
I am scared all of a sudden. The online tracker says the item has been
delivered! I call the post office and the woman has to take a report so
I have to tell her that the contents of the package was a sex toy and
that it never showed up. A couple hours later a guy from my local post
office calls me and says, "So Mr. Tanaka... it says here you ordered a
sex toy and it never arrived? Yeah well... The postman scans it then
puts it in your mailbox, so it was definitely delivered. I don't know
what to tell you. Someone must have stolen it."
I'm like shit oh well... At least I didn't get embarrassed in person.
A week goes by and I totally forget I even ordered it. And it turns out
I don't even want it anymore because I started having sex with this
girl I went to high school with. (Same girl as stated above. It's a
very new relationship.) All is well in the Tanaka household... until...
Today I wake up from a nice long sleep and open my bedroom door to find
an odd package on the ground all ripped up with a note on top.
click
OH GOD!!!
The freakin pocket pussy is sticking out of the side of the box. And there's a note from my mom AND the neighbors!?
I open it up to find that jiggly pink thing outside of the inner box so
it had DEFINITELY been opened. I'm sure the neighbor probably opened it
up and whacked his wife on the head with it or something before
thinking of returning it.
click
I mean he could have even used it! My mom was right- That's GROSS!
So basically now everyone thinks I'm a perv.